Charles have been living in a comfortable world, I mean our comfortable world. You may like to claim that this world hasn't been that much comfortable for you. And that's totally true; it hasn't been comfortable, at all. Neither for Charles indeed, yet he was comfortable with it.
Watch it closer…
Charles has been doing his best to appear comfortable to others. I’m not saying that he hasn't complained about his life during his conversations with others, I'm saying that he might have thrived in maintaining an almost unstained appearance of him, despite all the troubles he went through. He has been so good at it, that even his own closest friends, who knew about his troubles (as he entertained them with the stories of it), wondered how he could manage to go through such hardships without getting insane. Charles might even have gained some pride out of this sleight of hand. Why not after all? He indeed have eventually quite mastered this game of shadows. But was that for his best interest?
That's on one hand. On the other hand, Charles might have succeeded in showing nothing about his deep incompatibility with this world, this incompatibility that he has been experiencing since so long. Didn't he? I guet he would be agreeing on that. Or maybe he would be doing his best to maintain his balanced and perfectly world-adapted appearance, even to his own awareness.
You see, there's something you can observe in our society which is; most people try their best to show and prove that they are the exact opposite of what they believe they are. It's as if, within most of us, there were two different beings; one hidden (the one that you believe you are), and one pushed into the lights (the one that shows and proves that you are the opposite of the one you believe you are). That is the balance that Charles might have created as his so-called comfortable life. Trouble is; one of the most uncomfortable situations it brings is the self-abuse that he has to put it place to keep the lies going on.
He has to torn a part of what he knows is true, to make himself to doubt about it, to shut it downhe has to manipulate a part of his awareness in order You see, when he separate himself into one part who pretends to be “adapted to the world” (outwardly) and another part who suffers to be “so freaking different” (inwardly), one of those two parts of him has to convince the other one about how things are “in reality”. In other words, until he truly forgets that he has ever known anything about it.
That process of perversive mental manipulation is called “Gaslighting”. Usually Gaslighting takes place from one person to another, but here it’s a manipulation that he practices on himself. Unfortunately it ends up by him having to give up on who he truly is, in order to adapt to the lies he makes himself a victim of. Ouch... Don’t worry for him, lies can’t resist Choice. And the good news here is that we always have choice.
Charles looked again quickly to the trick, to be able to unravel it easier. Here is what he saw: the part of him which “knows” (the one that he usually kept just for him and hid to the world) was usually the one part that got manipulated, for the other part (the one that he showed to the world and hid to him) was empowered with all the ordinary believes and opinions that everyone agrees with, in the so-called “common sense” of limitations. He saw that those common believes and opinions were legion. They represent and claim the very common-sense that drives and drags people into an ordinary life, all made of Constant Ordinary Troubles.
This part of him that tried to shut his awareness down was the awareness of what he indeed had always known, that he could never express or make acknowledged. This part of him had been the strongest part, the strongest point of view, just because it was in bigger number than just “him”. Hence his feeling lonely and separated in front of such an assault of lies, reasons and justifications for his guilty instability and incompatibility. Over all, for it got him progressively more and more separated and caught by existential troubles, it had also maintained him in a self-centred interest which has brought only difficulties to him, and in turn, to others. That’s were he found the source of his problems.
Is that what seeking comfort had eventually generated for him: total unease, dis-ease and terminal difficulties? Well… What do you know? What if he didn’t have to hide anymore? What if he didn’t have to hide even to himself (to start with)? If that was you, would you have that? How would you do that? Would you use your Primordial Freedom and Choose different? Charles did.
No matter where or when you carry the burden of this world’s lies upon you, you will always have choice. From there, as he started to choose for him, he got access to some possibilities and tools that he couldn’t even expect to have before.
What is it that you can’t expect?
(an article written for LA VIE Magazine http://www.laviemag.pl/ - Extracted from "The Mind-Tricker" ©accessivanmartin2019)